Greg Murat (mur-rah)
Singer-Songwriter Guitarist
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Journal March 2006
Kayden 9 months
Happiness
is essentially a state of going somewhere wholeheartedly,
one-directionally, without regret or reservation. W. H. Sheldon Thanks
Dale
April 2, 2006
I recorded the show for the first time today.
Me and my loop pedal making music at Columbia
Winery. It was good for my soul to play. I may
become a guitarist yet. I think I am going to
concentrate on that for a while. I want to compose
some music just for guitar. At present I just
play my regular songs instrumentally. That is
fun too. Listening the recording while I put
into the studio from mini disk I realize there
is something there. People seem to get the soothing
part of this instrumental music. Diana at the
Winery said it is just good wine tasting music.
It is mood music, other worldly music. I am
grateful for the chance to play and for the
people who took the time to introduce themselves
and say hi. I hope we get to know each other
better. I will have a "Live at the Passport
of Woodinville CD" soon.
Freedom called to say the Doctors
bailed on them and they are going forward with
prayers and faith that Sierra will be born fine
in July and that is our prayer as well.
April 1, 2006
What a fool's day it was. All the streets and
I mean all the streets in Woodinville were closed
today. I spent over an hour trying to get to
the Winery to play a gig. I finally had to get
out of the car and ask a Sheriff what to do.
I had to head North on the freeway and switch
highways and take back roads to get there. Then
I stopped for gas and my car locked up and would
not accept my key. Damn what a day. The funny
thing is that I was set up and ready to go a
half an hour late. I really was just about to
head home and scrap the whole gig I was so frustrated.
As it turns out I met some pretty nice people,
some in education, some in coffee shop and music
venue businesses, and some just nice folks.
I strictly played instrumental pieces today.
To top off every thing else I forgot my guitar
pedals and my effects POD. I did have my loop
pedal thank God and I realized that is all I
really need. It allows me to play parts and
go back and play on top of parts. I love the
last part of a piece. I step on the left pedal
and it erases every thing I have recorded. It
is here and now and then gone. I realized my
guitar is my partner on stage. I have missed
having some one to set up and tear down with
and play and perform with but realize this is
the game. This is how it is. But when I sit
my guitar in my lap I know it isn't going to
give me a bad time, make me feel guilty, put
me down or lift me up, it will just do whatever
it is I do. The more loving I am the more music
it makes. For the first time in my memory I
did not feel lonely playing today, not at all.
March 30, 2006
Kiss the monster. Make peace with yourself.
I read a little quote of eastern philosophy
that Sarah Maria gave me. Yes and No, there
seem to be two but they become one. What? Maybe
it is balance they are talking about. Kayden
is learning a lot about balance as he rises
from all fours to a standing position. He is
surveying his kingdom and ready to claim it.
There will be many meetings of yes and no in
the near future. This cough has me near to passing
out. I go on to the point my vision blurs and
I get very dizzy and feel like I am going to
faint. That isn't good when driving. Any time
this wants to go back out of my body is a good
time to me. Yes? Deal or no deal?
March 29, 2006
Almost done with another month. My my
time does fly. And it is another day. Kayden
is off to visit his little pals at Daycare.
Even though it is a really good one I wish he
was not going there but being home with Andie
or me every day. This morning he hugged her
really big and buried his face in her sweater
then let out a heavy sigh. When he is tired
there is no one else he wants to see at all
but Andie. Comfort; what a wonderful thing in
its many forms. The comfort of friends, family,
the comfort of comforting someone else, these
are all a part of the mountain tops and placid
lakes in life. There is so much motion is living.
We are pulled like the tide and moon cycles
in so many directions. We make changes and at
times changes are thrown at us and we cope the
best we can. Some times coping is the best we
can do.
March 28, 2006 Happy
Birthday Aileen Hope it is a good one.
Dale sent me a funny e-mail for
the ultimate search engine: www. wherearemyf-ingkeys.com.
Funny. That would be a good one, wouldn't it?
They're on the counter Bob, right where you
left them.
The rains have returned and
with them the clean air and the gray skies.
It is the picture of irony. Gray cast and absence
of sun wrapped in lush and beautiful shades
of green.
I spent a few hours last night trying
to determine the extent of the damage to my
POD_XT live effects wrack. It is a complicated
but marvelous processor for guitar which is
great in the studio and on stage. A young lady
inadvertently spilled an entire pint of water
into it at Provinces. It has some damage but
I learned a lot about dialing it in. I pretended
I was Mike Daily and read the manual forcing
myself to start at page one and work slowly
through. I found two settings that were wrong
for the way I am using it on the first page
alone. Electronics and computers don't like
water so I am noticing some not so funny sounds
and behavior. I hope it passes. I hate to see
something so expensive die even before I learn
how to work it.
I am looking forward to Columbia
Winery this weekend. It is a very long gig but
always a lot of fun. It will be in the wine
cellar where the people from the dinner train
tour and it is open to the public. 5 sets starting
at 11 am. I checked the site and it says it
is sold out. I guess they sell 3500 passports
for $45 each but they went fast. Call the winery
if you are interested and see if you can still
come. There ought to be a law against playing
in the morning.
It is off to the doctor now to see what happens
next.
March 27, 2006
What the heck? I feel like a veteran of
35 years of smoking Lucky Strikes. I can't seem
to stop coughing. I hacked my way through Vesper
Services in Bellingham last night. I didn't
have a mic for that reason. No harmonies, just
lead guitar and that I did with three cough
drops at a time in my mouth while prayerfully
asking Jesus not to let me inhale and choke
to death up there on the alter. Try unwrapping
a cough drop in dead silence of a church service
in a very acoustically alive room. I would wait
for a prayer with the congregation and then
scramble to unwrap a few and pop them into my
mouth. Kayden has had to get over his fear of
sudden and loud noises as these coughing outbursts
come without warning. I think the more stressed
I am the more I cough. Go figure.
No news for the mark about Freedom,
Natalie and Sierra. I am praying that everything
will be okay with the Sierra. Like Freedom said,
I just want her to be born and be healthy. We
are thinking of taking a trip or two or three
this year and going to Arizona, and California.
We are also bitten by the pack it in for somewhere
sunny bug. The bugs in sunny places usually
send us packing back to Washington.
Andie did a lot of work in the
yard today. She even managed to get the mower
started which I could not; Wonder Woman and
Gray Haired Pony Tail Man ( that is my Native
American name given to me by one of Liz's Native
friends many many years ago.) It stuck.
Mike laid out some drums today and
did a fine job. He is pushing to the end of
this Samba Nova project.
Sarah called to thank me for spending Friday
evening with her. It was my treat I am sure.
It was an adventure for the old guy to go to
Seattle by himself on a Friday night. Talk about
over stimulation. We took Kayden on the Centennial
trail today and then for a walk through Snohomish.
He was like me in Seattle. I thought, we have
got to get this boy out more. It was busy in
downtown Snohomish today. What a beautiful sunny
day it was though. Looking out at all the various
views of mountains and lakes we have reminds
you why people tend to stay here in the Northwest.
It is beautiful.
March 26, 2006
It is just another Sunday and I
don't much feel like going to Bellingham to
play. The cough is too mean and it occurred
to me the last time I went I spent most of my
energy trying to suppress this very same cough.
What does it mean grasshopper? If I am done
here then let it be otherwise I would like to
get on with life without feeling like I am falling
to pieces from the inside out. I also couldn't
muster the energy to go and record Dee last
night like I had planned for a month.
Andie is running the new Dyson
vacuum cleaner which sounds like a gigantic
slug doused in salt if you run it on the wrong
setting on a thin carpet. Kayden literally screaming
in terror the first time it happened. I nearly
peed myself. It is a great vacuum except that
one very nasty sounding flaw. I think it may
have even sucked the remains of the former tenants
out of the carpet. I am wondering if there will
be any carpet left when all the spooge has been
removed. Oh well, we shall see. Mean time the
dove is cooing in thanks that the vacuuming
has stopped and Kayden slept through the whole
thing.
March 25, 2006
Kayden and
Papa together does not equal a nap for some
reason. It is finally after 1 pm and he lunched
and then fell asleep in my arms without a bottle.
And he seems to be sleeping hard now. Days are
always full with a baby. Andie has hardly time
to breath but she is such a good mama.
Last night I went down to
Seattle to see Sarah and we walked around a
bit. We went up the pee pee stairs to go to
a pharmacy for cough drops. Sarah referred to
this stairway by that name jokingly but upon
inhaling it proved a very accurate description.
We had dinner at an elegantly quaint Viet Namese
restaurant and chitty chatted about life, her
music and upcoming film. We discussed what a
pain the blues can be and how we share the affinity
for dark and rainy emotional clouds. Her music
from her recent show was so creative and energetic
and kinetic. She showed me the racks of virtual
gear she used in a software program called Reason.
She is so smart. She and her friend Curtis created
a series of shelves and a loft for her kitty
that rivals something out of Cirque de Soleil.
She would toss a toy and that kitty would leap
from shelf to shelf to shelf to shelf and then
up onto the loft and back down she would come.
Then the kitty would drape over her shoulders
for a spanking and hug. He is into that sort
of thing. She loves her kitty. It was a good
evening although I ran out of steam by 10 pm.
Kayden and I just watched part of
Pollyanna before his nap. It is a Disney day
on TV, Swiss Family Robinson and all that sort
of thing. It reminds me of being a kid my self.
This may just be my opportunity to catch a little
cat nap myself. Good idea. Enjoy the Saturday.
March 24, 2006
Well it is up and
at it. I have things to do today. I hope I get
to see Sarah but we haven't made contact. I
am still attempting to cough myself inside out.
It may make a funny sight if I succeed. I have
to get some CD's in the mail. It is so near
by I ought to just deliver them. I am almost
done editing Saturday night's recording with
Manolito Fuentes and I will put a few teasers
for fun when I am done. We are thinking of ways
to make a quick trip to see the Josh, Christina,
Saria family for a few days. Still thinking.
We are going to dump this place and move on
and that is for sure. Make it soon. Our real
estate agent never listed it so we will when
our contract expires next month. That was a
very strange liaison any way. One of those Outer
Limits kind of experiences when the person's
presentation of themselves later turns out to
have nothing whatsoever to do with reality.
Ever had one of those?
March 23, 2006
Happy birthday to Chani. It was a great day
for me. We had a nice lunch together at Cafe
de Paris and just having the one on one time
was good for my heart. Her not so little puppy
sure loves her. I got to see her house and it
seems like a perfect setup for her. She is kind
of being over worked at the place where she
is tattooing. I don't understand industries
that employ receptionists and clean up people
for no wages. She has paid her dues and needs
to be doing tattoos. It is funny how life works
though, if you will work for nothing you can
always be employed, it is just tough to pay
rent or eat. She has been sick for weeks now
like practically everyone I have talked to lately.
She said she misses Chris too. I understand.
She also wished she could have seen Josh, Christina
and Saria when she was in California. She told
me Josh sent her an e-mail birthday card. How
cool is that? Cool. I am very proud of her and
all she is doing and know she will be fine with
her life. Her room mate seems like a really
nice fellow too. Baby is having a hard time.
Gotta run.
March 22, 2006
One's philosophy is not best expressed
in words; it is expressed in the choices one
makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and
we shape ourselves. The process never ends until
we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately
our own responsibility.
Eleanor Roosevelt. Once again, thanks Dale.
Had a great evening with Jimmy
and Mike last night. I was just watching them
work with Mike on the console and Jimmy knocking
out bass parts. It was fun and Jimmy really
played some beautiful parts. Now Andie is working
on new covers and Kayden finally went down for
a nap. I got some really heart heavy news last
night from Freedom and their are some huge concerns
with their baby girl, Sierra. I called my dad
last night to call on the prayer warriors because
we need another miracle to help her have a chance
to arrive. So if you heart is so inclined jump
on the wagon. Many voices speak louder than
one.
Tomorrow is Chani's birthday and I hope I get
to see her. She sure grew up good.
I am feeling a bit worn as
for the first time in what seems like months
I got up with Kayden. I had already been lying
awake for about an hour and a half. He was not
up for a nap all morning either so he may take
a big nap right now. It gives us a little reprieve
and rest. ON that note I think I will have a
little.
March 21, 2006
Two still down sick, me and Liz. Kayden is back
in the swing although he is cranky today. I
can't seem to shake these chills. It is probably
a sign that we should move to a warmer climate
or take a trip some where warm.
Thanks to everyone who prayed for Randy
Fickel. He wasn't even supposed to make it through
his first night in the hospital and Andie and
I both talked to him on the phone yesterday.
He had come from the hospital that day. It is
really a miracle. He was saying that they asked
him to call in his family because he wasn't
going to live through the night. God is great.
Randy said he was just not ready to leave because
he has too much to be done.
I talked to Sarah Maria last night
and she wrestles the same demons as me; the
kind that make you wonder if you can go on another
day, if you can going on repeating the same
routines and struggles week after week and year
after year. They are nasty discouraging kinds
of thoughts that are cruel and crippling in
their purpose. Sarah is amazing in her kindness
and caring and doing. I wish I had a wand that
would stun those thoughts into stillness and
replace them with wonder at how beautiful she
is.
Josh sent more amazing pictures
of his daughter Saria. He really has a gift
for taking pictures. He captures her stunning
beauty, her sense of humor, there is a little
mischief there too, and playfulness but what
we see most of all is a very very loved, beautiful
and happy baby girl. We are chaffing at the
bit to go see her and Josh and Christina. I
hope we can soon. I really have the travel bug,
along with a few other bugs.
That is my story. I have to sleep some more
before Kayden wakes up from his nap. Be good
and God bless.
March 20, 2006
Many every one in the house is sick
now but Andie. She was down for a few days a
week or two ago. Liz is about to turn inside
out. Kayden is pretty much on the mend. I am
in between, weak and feeling like someone beat
me with a stick in my sleep. Faith has been
a sweet heart and has helped us out two days
over the weekend. I am going to go lay back
down.
Well hello every one..this is andie writing in greg's journal.
Seeing how he is sick and all, I thought that i would entertain you with the latest updates.
Poor greg he is really had quite a time of it. He still thinks I should just dig a hole and bury him in the back yard and be done with him.
I don't think so.
You know he is sick when he can't hold the baby, that just about kills him (no pun intended). I think he feels it's ME beating in his sleep
with a two by four.............not the case.
We are thankful for everyone of you in our lives and to my wonderful mom who constantly sacrifices her work and time to spend helping us
with Kayden, she says it is her pleasure...it probably is,....... but still thanks .
well it is time for me to check on my babies and see how every one is..Liz is still talking to the porcelain god and greg is lying down. baby
Kayden is still getting some much needed rest. Sometimes life throws you for a loop, circles around and throws it again......we seem to be
spinning in circles. Any day now it will slow down to a small motion. The wave of life.
I'm sure you will be happy to hear from greg again after my rambling, this will only prove what I have been telling him..that he is a great writer and I should stay in the kitchen. Have a beautiful everyone !!
March 18, 2006 Tonight is the last chance to see Sarah's show!
Time to head out to Provinces again. The whole day has been spent with Faith, Andie and I taking care of a very sick baby. It is so hard to see him cry and look at you with this question of what is wrong with me. I think he has somehow associated how he feels with me because he doesn't want to have much to do with me. He is only comforted when Andie is holding him. It is hard to head out under the circumstances. We did have a great night last night and were joined for the evening by Becky and Dan and they had a great time hanging out with Andie. I learned that Dan is a huge Taylor Hicks fan. Chani even came in although she was sick and not feeling well. That was a wonderful treat too. Dale, Kathy and Mary Ellen held down the fort for the evening after watching Phil Randoy play down the street. So I am off to do it all again but with the help of Manolito tonight. Yea.
March 17, 2006
Happy St. Patrick's day to
you all! There is an interesting bit of history
in the tale of Patrick, you might look it up
and you'll know why there are no snakes in Ireland.
Tonight it is off to Provinces. It has been
a long three months since my vehicle started
to fall apart. I have cast off the stones but
my back is still spiking with a sharp pain.
It must be those voodoo dolls. I have struggled
to be a better person than I think I was in
my younger days but I fear I have not been forgiven
by a few and they are out there working voodoo
dolls on me. That would explain all the weird
sharp pains. Andie has another explanation.
She thinks I am batty as a belfry. She may be
right. Anyhow with a lot of lift I will make
it through the night and get to see the many
friends I see on this occasion once each month.
That is what really makes it worthwhile. I have
to round up my roadies now. Lucia. Anna Bella.
Let's go!
March 16, 2006
I have often been baffled by stories
of people who have been together decades and
then some past incident comes up and the relationship
explodes because it has "all been a lie."
I have always wondered what kind of scale is
used to make such a measurement. All the time,
the joy, the pain, the sacrifice, the sharing,
the caring is marked null and void in an instant.
I don't understand that. I am now discovering
a new perspective on relationships however.
I realize you can spend decades around or with
a person and wake up one day and realize you
do not have a clue who they are at all. Their
mask is so pristine and polished that you feel
you are insane as you learn about their actions;
actions that don't remotely align with this
person you think is your friend or your relation.
I tell you that kind of experience can ruin
your kidneys. Do we see what we want? No, I
think we see what we are shown and some people
are such convincing actors that no matter how
hard we search for the truth it is just too
deep under a blanket of camouflage to be seen
truly.
Oh but my younger years have
found me running against the wind in ways that
I never would have foreseen. Life is funny that
way. You can spend a lifetime building a fortress
to protect you from pain and the back lash of
bad choices but time is ageless and has seen
these same scenes millions of times. Just when
you think you can relax and say I am a good
boy now life bites you on the heart and ass
in ways you wouldn't have predicted in your
wildest dreams. Love is both invincible and
indefensible. It stacks your weapons and shields
neatly in a pile and opens your heart up to
trust and the unexpected sword thrust. Learn
to love and learn to feel, learn to hurt and
learn to heal. Healing sounds appealing at this
time. (Ramblings of an old dude with a fever)
Well I am waking after another rough
night but it is small compared to so many. Our
friend Randy Fickel is in ICU and we would appreciate
any prayers for his recovery from a very severe
asthma attack. That has weighed heavy on our
hearts since we arrived home from the hospital
last night. I got an e-mail this morning that
says they have some hope now, there was not
much hope in the first e-mail. It is a great
thing to have people who love you and are willing
to humble out and ask for some help from Higher
Up. We are all in this together whether we realize
it or not.
It is Provinces weekend if I can
stay out of the hospital long enough to play.
I may have to dress up like the mountain man
Jeremiah Johnson in case I get hit with the
chills while I am trying to sing. It is time
to cast off all this clinging malady and get
on with life. It almost feels like I have been
under assault. If it is true that stress causes
most illness I guess I understand what has bee
happening. I feel like a ship frozen in ice
when it comes time to make a big change. It
gets harder and harder to break loose the longer
I have spent at sea. An old sailor gets set
in his ways but we have to be able to change.
We have to in order to keep on growing.
March 15, 2006
I had another night with high fevers and soaked
jammies, chest pains, back pains, kidney pains.
What a bunch of pains. The staff seems so bored
and put out that they have to talk to regular
people, people who don't dress in funny green
jumpsuits and don't parade around with a stethoscope
around their neck. I remember reading an article
once that said there are many Hitler's in the
world today. They are receptionists in emergency
rooms, nurses in emergency rooms and doctors
as well. Ven should I turn on the gas director?
Can I do it now. Can I please?
We came prepared today. I brought my laptop,
Andie brought me my own blanket, and I grabbed
a couple of movies so we didn't really give
a crap that they make you wait for hours and
hours for 5 minutes of treatment. The doctor's
office was insistent on me coming here and the
people here have the attitude that the should
punish us for being here. They didn't kill me
again and we were only there for a mere 8 and
a half hours. Stupidity runs rampant in the
work place. Home again home again. There are
portions of my lower lungs that have collapsed
and there are dark spots there they cannot explain
but could have been caused by the anesthesiologist.
Good news. We are off to see the wizard.
March 14, 2006
I have Sarah's Dreams CD playing
in Kayden's room to see if he can go back to
sleep since it is only 5 in the morning. He
is stirring and rubbing his little stuffed frog.
All the baby music was too intense but he seems
to like my instrumental guitar playing. He woke
up with the screaming terrors and he was not
to be comforted. We tucked him in with us where
he continued to cry until we put the heating
pad under his bum and he then laid still and
played with his toys for awhile. He is back
in his crib but not wanting to give it up. He
tends to get mad at the point of slumber. It
isn't very much fun to watch him do battle with
the sand man. I am sitting on the floor typing
and he is so conscious of sounds I know he hears
the lap top keyboard even though it is very
very quiet. He squirms if I am quiet and stops
to listen if I type. I have to stay on medication
for two days while the internal trauma heals.
If the medicines wear off too much I get a huge
wow that hurts in there. Kayden is being still
now. Is he sleeping? He likes the bell tones
on the guitar and there is a song that is almost
all that tinkling sound. He is just listening
to that I guess. He loves guitar. I put a whole
lot of love into this CD. I just improvised
on the the Hernandez classical guitar I have
had for 36 years. It was recorded as a lullaby
record to help Sarah Maria sleep. It just worked
on Kayden I hear his heavy breath of slumber.
I shall lay back down to tend to my aching back
and front. Breath in the new day and all the
wonder it holds.
March 13, 2006
Home
again on what has been one of the longer days
I have spent on the planet. Andie was right
there by my side through the whole ordeal suffering
worse than me. I am listening to PBS and it
is a folk singer special. I realize we all got
old while time was passing. The Brothers Four,
The Highwaymen, Judy Collins, The Smothers Brothers
are a few of the names of these seasoned artists.
It reminds me of a much more innocent time in
life. The very old audience is singing or humming
along with the songs. Kayden was even enjoying
the show while he was crawling around on the
bed. I am weary from the surgery so I am going
to sleep now. Thanks for the prayers.
Funny thing happened in the
hospital. The IV nurse, named Penni, asked my
if I go by the name Greg and did I go to Everett
Community College back in 1978? You said you
play guitar right? We had a nursing class together
way back then and she remembered me. I remembered
her too. She had three little girls. She has
been a nurse for 26 years now. Obviously I didn't
become a nurse. I fear way back then I might
have been more interested in nurses than in
nursing. My but times have changed.
I type this as I am here in my bed
at Providence awaiting surgery to take out this
kidney stone. What ever the lesson is I wish
I would get it so I wouldn't have to keep repeating
this same situation. I finally figured it out
when it comes to relationships with people but
I am missing something in the healing of my
body. Maybe I am just tired of being here. I
had a very profound realization in the wee hours
of this morning that will have changed me forever.
I will work it out slowly but I saw the course
of my future and it is not what I had planned.
So I just thought I would see if I can hack
in with my laptop and post this on line. I don't
know whether they are going to go fishing and
drag the stone out or blast it with ultrasound.
I am beginning to wonder what impact this will
have on my Provinces weekend. We will see. But
for now ouch!
March 12, 2006
I spent the better part of
last night wrapped around my gym ball on the
floor of the studio. That was probably the longest
night of my life so far. I couldn't see going
back to the hospital. The stone is going, staying,
going, staying and seems to be staying at the
moment. I have been looking forward to seeing Sarah's show but I may be in the hospital come show time.
I am a little coo coo from all this pain. We
are a mess between me falling apart and Andie's
poor arms I am at a loss as to what to do next.
I will try inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.
To
be wronged is nothing unless you continue to
remember it. Confucius
The quote by Confucius is like a blanket in
which you could wrap yourself and spend a long
hours contemplating. It is that old idea of
perspective being the biggest influence on the
quality of life. How do you see it? Each precious
moment counts for everything. I remember a line
from Joe versus the Volcano when Meg Ryan says
that most people are really asleep but for those
who are not asleep every moment is truly and
completely amazing. There is the complexity
of relationships, the letting go and moving
on with life, the understanding that there are
so many things that are beyond understanding,
these are all a part of the wonder of it all.
A sleeping baby, the wearing out of the body
or parts of it, the deep dimension of pain all
say pay attention. This is life, this is it.
This is a strange time for us around here and
my soul sense says pray and keep on praying.
Sometimes, in some situations, a person can
go through too much and there is so much baggage
left over that it would take an entire train
line to move it around. We look out on the dawn
only to realize that we don't recognize the
place we are standing. Someone who seemed kin
is someone we do not know at all. Sadly the
armor is pulled out and dusted, polished and
put into place and the construction of the great
wall begins. But perhaps it is work that is
unnecessary after all; to be wronged is nothing
unless you continue to remember it.
March 11, 2006
Knees up, feet covered, just sitting here watching
the stones go by, watching the stones go by.
My good friend Mike Daily drove me to the emergency
room yesterday. What a guy. Both of the kidney
doctors who have helped me were unavailable
so they sent me to Emergency Room. Andie and
Kayden came down and Faith came to help and
then get Kayden home. At the hospital it was
service much faster than usual. We were only
there a total of 7 hours and I only had
to wait 5 hours to get my first pain
medication. I was really calm until they suggested
trying some high powered aspirin first and then
waiting to see how that would work for stopping
the pain. I expressed my strong opinion to the
contrary and suggested they give my something
that would knock me on my bottom. I gave them
their little pee in cup sample. It was bright
red and I paced the emergency room carrying
that cup for 4 hours. I said "Shouldn't
we send this to the lab?" and asked the
nurse how long is this sample good? She said
it will last a couple of hours. I said "It
has been 3 and one half hours since I peed in
this cup". I won't go into the fact that
even though we are told our health care is tops
in the world we are 37th on a list of quality
care. They have one person caring for all the
emergency room patients and 5 collecting information
on how to get paid, verifying insurance and
deciding if they want to see you at all. I think
it is appalling. I was too tired and in too
much pain or I fear I would have raised hell
up through the hospital floor. Actually, I believe
we were in hell. Anyhow, that was all small
potatoes in a big stew. Andie insisted on being
there by my side and Kayden did too so I had
those lovely faces to look upon. So I stayed
focused on my beautiful bride and my boy. Andie
is so compassionate I feel bad for feeling bad
since she seems to suffer worse than me by just
having to watch me in pain. So after all that
I have a 4 mm stone stuck between my bladder
and the exit sign. How grand. Missy is standing
guard to see if a stone swims by. I am trying
to find something else to think about because
you know the old saying:
A watched stone does not pass. What a pain.
March 10, 2006
I have been adding some tunes for the benefit
of new people and old friends. The thought occurred
to me as I am trying to pass a second series
of kidney stones that I need to get organized.
I have recorded so much music, some on cassette,
mini disk, CD, and DAT. There are some real
treasures that need to be archived. It is going
to be a fun project. Also as I introduce myself
and figure out what I am about as an artist,
I thought I could copy the master song list
that Kathy and Dale started. Of course I would
have to delete tons of songs I have forgotten.
I think the capacity of the brain to retain
information diminishes with time. I might have
read that some where, I can't remember. Ouch.
I can share that our unawareness (most of the
time) of all the inner parts of our bodies is
a good thing. If I had some pain paints now
I could definitely paint the whole kidney system
from inside to out. Did I say ouch. I think
I meant to say @#$^#^%^&(&__^&^&^%$?>!!!!!!
this hurts. I have to go now, need to find a
tissue. New song idea, Sitting on the pity potty,
pity potty me. Oh. Ouch. Eeh. Ahh. Wow. It's
not much fun to pee. Gotta go.
March 8, 2006 Judge
a tree by its fruit, ditto for people. Karen
Salmansohn
I read that quote from Be Happy Damn It. It
is a guide to more joy in living and suggests
that we seek knowledge from knowledgeable people.
Follow our hearts and dreams. Sarah informed
me today that one of the side effects of cortisone
is anger. Perfect. Right now with all the crap
going on I really need something to stimulate
anger. Yea buddy. I am looking forward to seeing
the dance performance for which Sarah composed
some new music. I am sure it will be grand.
Chani is on a 7 day work week at the moment
so it may be awhile before we can see her new
home. It is so good to see her so happy. I am
getting calls on new venues, Scottie Drexler
called with a few leads today. Warren, Chani's
former soccer coach penciled me in for a cancer
benefit in June in Everett. Rob Peebler gave
me a lead on a new place in Everett also. It
is a Casino but with no slots and no smoking.
I am so glad there is no smoking in the regular
bars. Even when I used to smoke I would go outside
for a break. When singing you suck up a ton
of smoke so it is a welcome relief to have it
gone. That is it. I am babbling because I am
sleepless in the woods once again. One moment
at a time. Presence.
 |
Andie, Kayden and I stopped by to see Chani's new work space and it is awesome. She said Lisa Marie is getting her a massage table so people can lay down while she is tattooing making the experience easier on both of them. She is really stoked and the people are really nice. It is funny because the owner's wife is the sister of our good friend Becky. We get together with her and her husband Dan. They also have a baby Kayden's age so we watch them play while we visit. We have only been over there once but it was great fun and we are planning on a visit this weekend I believe, depending on how I feel. So Chani was just having a short break when we stopped by the shop so we got lucky and got to see her. I am so proud of her and it is so nice to see her happy and doing what she loves. |
March 7, 2006
It has been an interesting e-mail
week with mail from Terri out in Ohio and they
are all getting by okay. A great surprise was
Derrick Harrison Chevalier. He really wrote
Heaven in Your Eyes for Andie. I just tagged
the end of the tune and I am not sure if I am
playing the original chords. He sent some MP3's
and it was wonderful to hear that full rich
voice in song again. Derrick used to sing at
a lot of the Banana Brothers shows and always
got huge ovations from the audience. I still
play several of his songs as part of my live
shows. Casey Garland is out there doing shows
and I hope to see some of them pretty soon.
I have not been able to shake this flu, cold,
plague or whatever in the heck it is. It and
the back and kidney trouble have given me a
case and one half of the blues. I am so down,
down, down, down do be do down down. In Derrick's
words "I've been down so long it's almost
second nature." C'est la vie. It is all
mountains and valleys. One of us is up and one
of us is down and so goes the roller coaster
of life.
Sarah has composed the music for a show of dance
and sound that will be taking place at several
locations in Seattle. Check out her link because I can't find the flyer right now. I
guess I have to call her because I see the events
are not listed on her website. Check back and
look under special
events. I will try and find the details.
March 5, 2006
It got busy at our house yesterday. Faith
helped out with Kayden all day and then headed
home. Jason and Blu came over and so did Sarah
Maria and Curtis. Curtis is studying fine art
in Seattle and he brought several of his drawings
to show. They were great. It was a very pleasant
evening. Andie and Blu pooled crock pots and
we got the goods. Andie made Strawberries in
a Cloud, yummy and we all enjoyed some good
red wine. We never got around to playing Cranium
as we were too busy chitty chatting. My back
is feeling a little better today. I probably
should have laid down sooner than I did last
night but I feel pretty good today. Kayden got
us up at 6 and he is pretty rowdy this morning.
He isn't fussy, just loud. Chani stopped over
last night too picking up some of her things
and still really excited about her new job and
her new home. I am so happy for her.
I think we were both wishing we
could sleep in today. Fat chance but a new day
awaits. Hey we did get a little snooze time.
Andie took Kayden to the couch and they both
had a nap and a snoozed too. It is good to rest
the back and I am hoping I will quickly get
better.
March 4, 2006
It is early Saturday morning and
Andie is feeding Kayden. I have to stay on my
back for at least a day after getting the cortisone
injection. I must say that it feels like it
might be helping already. Of course it could
be the medication because I did wake up in the
middle of the night saying ouch.
So I talked to Freedom yesterday
and he sounded really good. He said he is working
too much and wish we had time to spend together
playing music and going on hikes and talking.
He is not tired of the sunshine and says it
is gorgeous around Sedona. Next week he and
Natalie find out if they are having a boy or
a girl. He said he is not sure he wants to know
but is excited about being a papa.
Chani landed a job and found a place
in a matter of a few days of being back. She
was very excited when she called last night.
She has plenty of space in the house and it
has a huge fenced in back yard that her puppy
loves. Chani found one very sweet dog and I
thinking she was wise to ignore my suggestion
to not get a puppy right now and go with her
own instinct. She loves the heck out of that
not so little critter. I have been remiss on
taking any photos at all for awhile. Physical
distractions to my mental process have me forgetting
a lot of things right now.
Andie's hands and arms seem to be
getting worse and we have got to make a new
course of action and find a new way for her
to stay home and be mama to Kayden. After I
patch up this aging body I will continue my
focus on finding new paths for making a living
as we continue to simplify our life style. Out
with the old and in with the new.
March 3, 2006
Kayden is playing with one his amazing
toys. It is a table top with several pull and
push knobs, a little piano keyboard and a guirjo
It speaks English and Spanish and he loves it.
It is fun to watch his motor skills improve.
He is now feeding himself Cheerios. It is still
a chore but he manages. Andie is just a glow
when she is dotting over him. He is a bit of
a prince and doesn't seem interested in holding
his own bottle or cup. He is content to be fed.
That is okay because from here on out it is
his slow preparation for heading out on his
own. I am glad that takes as long as it does
because we are enjoying every minute. It also
brings back many happy thoughts of when all
the other family members were little too. It
is food for happy thoughts.
March 2, 2006
I am nervous today thinking about
hospitals and doctors and pain. It turns out
that Andie cuts the hair of the doctor who is
doing the procedure on me. He is probably the
nicest person I have ever met. I hope his skills
are on par with his persona. I have talked to
more people who are sick right now with cold
and flu like symptoms that don't seem to want
to go away. What is that about anyway? Walking
through Safeway I feel like I am in a scene
from Stephen King's The Stand. I do have a flair
for melodrama in my imagination. I am at a loss
this morning. I pass, fingers poised on the
keyboard, and no thoughts are forthcoming. Maybe
a cup of Starbucks will help. Remember:
It doesn't matter
how fast you get there if you are heading in
the wrong direction. Karen Salmansohn
March 1, 2006
They are going
to inject my back with some medicine on Friday.
I hope I remember to ask for pain medicine.
Dr. says it may hurt more at first. More? I
do not like the sound of more. On the up side
of things I talked to Sarah Maria and she is
going to come over this weekend and introduce
us to a young man she is seeing, some one who
is really nice. Who cares about shots when you
hear news like that. Sarah is one of my favorite
human beings and the idea of her being with
someone nice, who treats her like she deserves
to be treated is thrilling. It is what every
papa wants to hear for his daughters. Yea!
The month of St. Patty's has begun
and we are all in this together. Oh yes, and
no one gets out alive. The new month brings
the promise of spring and renewal. I actually
watched a few minutes of Billy Graham tonight
and he said some interesting things about problems.
He said "Your problem is not your job,
or your husband or your kids. Your problem is
that you are cut off from God." He said
something interesting after that. He quoted
what he referred to as the saddest scripture.
God granted their prayers and but gave them
a leanness towards God. He said God will give
you that job, or car or relationship you are
praying for but it is not what you need. You
need to know Him. Pretty profound. Then Kayden
wanted to watch Channel 9 so we changed it.
I guess whatever the answer is we will find
out and we will also have to answer for our
time here to whoever and whatever. The point
is to make it count and try to make a difference,
add a little better to the batter.
All contents ©2003-2022 and to infinity and beyond Andie Murat and Greg Murat All Rights Reserved
Greg Murat (mur-rah)
Singer-Songwriter Guitarist